The Most Important Small Business Life Lesson I Ever Learned
I want you to think about the last truly tough week you had in your business. You know the one. The week where a big client was late to pay, a key employee was off sick, a shipment was delayed, and you were staring at your computer screen at 10 pm, running on caffeine and pure grit, wondering if you were completely mad for ever starting this journey.
In that moment, if someone had asked you to draw a picture of yourself as a business owner, what would it have looked like?
I know what my portrait would have looked like on many of those nights at RedBalloon. It would have been a frantic, frazzled figure, juggling a dozen flaming torches, with dark circles under the eyes and a thought bubble filled with a hundred worries. The caption would have read: "Not doing enough. Not good enough. About to drop everything."
We small business owners are our own harshest critics. We are intimately familiar with every flaw, every mistake, every near-miss, and every crack in the facade. We paint this internal portrait of ourselves, day after day, with the dark colours of stress, self-doubt, and relentless pressure.
Then, a while ago, I saw a social experiment that stopped me in my tracks. It was simple but profound. A group of people were asked to sit behind a curtain and describe their own face to a forensic artist, who drew them based on their description. The portraits were often drawn with the lines of their flaws—the crooked nose, the tired eyes, the wrinkles.
But then, they brought in someone who loved each person—a partner, a child, a best friend. This person then described the same face to the artist. And the second set of portraits? They were transformed. The artist, guided by the words of a loved one, drew people who were warmer, happier, more beautiful, and more confident. The lines of "flaws" were replaced with laugh lines. The tired eyes were seen as kind. They were the same people, but seen through the lens of love and appreciation.
Watching it, I realised something with stunning clarity. This is the single most important small business life lesson I have ever learned. As founders, we spend our lives staring at the harsh, critical portrait we paint of ourselves. But we are blind to the other portrait—the one being painted by the people whose lives we touch every single day.
If you are feeling tired, burnt out, or questioning your own worth, it’s because you are only looking at one picture. It’s time to reveal the other one.
The Portrait Your Team Paints of You: The Leader
Let's start with your team. On that tough Thursday when you feel like a complete failure, what do your employees see?
Your Self-Portrait: You see the frantic internal monologue. Did I remember to pay that invoice? Will we make payroll next week? I hope they don't realise I have no idea how to solve that new software problem. You see the vulnerability, the uncertainty, the immense weight of responsibility.
Their Portrait: They don't see your internal panic. They see the person who took a risk and created their job. They see the leader who, despite the challenges, opens the doors every morning. They see the person who signs their paycheque, allowing them to pay their mortgage, feed their family, and go on holidays. They might see you as stressed, sure, but they interpret it as you being passionate and committed. They see a leader navigating the ship through a storm, and they are grateful you are at the helm.
I remember once, during a particularly gruelling period of growth, a young team member came to me and said, "Thank you for creating such a great place to work." I was floored. In my head, I was failing on a dozen fronts. But in her eyes, I had created a safe and positive environment for her to build her career.
The Life Lesson: Your value as a leader is not defined by your absence of fear or self-doubt. It is defined by your presence and your courage to show up every day, especially when it's hard. Your team's portrait of you is drawn with the colours of stability, opportunity, and leadership.
The Portrait Your Customers Paint of You: The Problem-Solver
Now, think about your customers. How do you see the service or product you provide on a tough day?
Your Self-Portrait: You see the imperfections. The website that could be better, the packaging that isn't quite right, the service call where you were five minutes late, the tiny flaw in the product that no one else would notice but screams at you. Your portrait is one of "could do better."
Their Portrait: Your customer doesn't see the tiny flaw. They see the solution to their problem. The plumber who turned up and stopped the terrifying leak. The accountant who sorted out their BAS lodgement and gave them peace of mind. The baker who created the beautiful cake for their daughter’s birthday party. The IT guy who rescued their laptop and saved their business files.
They see a hero, big or small. They see the person who cared enough to start a business to solve their specific need. When they choose your small business over a faceless corporation, they are choosing you. Your story, your passion, your expertise. The portrait they paint is one of trust, relief, and gratitude.
The Life Lesson: Your business is not judged by its perfection, but by its purpose. Stop focusing on the tiny imperfections that only you can see, and start appreciating the immense value you create just by solving your customers' problems. That is what they are paying for, and that is how they see you.
The Portrait Your Family Paints of You: The Hero
This is the hardest one. This is where the guilt really lives for so many of us.
Your Self-Portrait: This one is often the most brutal. It's a portrait of absence. The missed school plays, the dinners where you were physically present but mentally wrestling with a business problem, the stress you brought home, the promises to "spend more time" that got broken. We paint ourselves as failing partners and parents, constantly sacrificing our family for our business.
Their Portrait: Have you ever had the courage to ask them what they see? Often, you will be stunned by the answer. They might not see the parent who missed one school play; they see the parent who was building a business to give them a better future. They see the passion in your eyes when you talk about your work, and it teaches them about courage and ambition. They see someone who is brave enough to chase a dream.
They are proud of you. Deeply, truly proud. They might miss you sometimes, yes, but the overarching portrait they paint is not one of neglect, but one of admiration. It's a portrait of a hero, their hero, who is out in the world, fighting dragons every day.
The Life Lesson: The story you tell yourself about your role in your family might not be the story they are living. The greatest gift you can give yourself is to see your contribution through their loving eyes. Your legacy with them is not a tally of hours spent, but a story of love, sacrifice, and courage.
How to Start Seeing the Real Portrait:
So, how do we stop staring at our own harsh, charcoal sketch and start seeing the vibrant, colourful masterpiece that others see? It takes practice. It takes intention. Here are a few practical small business life lessons to get you started.
1. Actively Ask for the Drawing (Seek Genuine Feedback):
This requires vulnerability, but it’s a game-changer.
- Ask your team: In your next one-on-one, try saying, "I'd love to know, from your perspective, what is one thing you think our business does really well?"
- Ask your best customers: Send a short email saying, "As one of our most valued customers, I'd be so grateful if you could tell me in one sentence what you appreciate most about working with us."
- Ask your partner: This is the big one. Find a quiet moment and ask, "When you look at me and the business I'm building, what makes you proud?" Be prepared for an emotional answer.
2. Create a "Kudos File" or a "Happy Folder":
This is so simple but so effective. Every time you get a positive email, a lovely comment on social media, a testimonial, or a handwritten thank you note, don't just read it. Save it. Create a folder in your inbox or a physical folder on your desk.
On those tough days, when you're staring at your own harsh self-portrait, open that folder. Read the words. It's a tangible, factual reminder of the other portrait. It’s an instant dose of perspective.
3. Redefine Your Scorecard (Create Your Own 'Rich List'):
The world will tell you to measure success by turnover and profit. But you get to write your own scorecard. What does a truly 'rich' life look like to you?
Maybe it includes:
- Being home for dinner three nights a week.
- The freedom to coach your kid’s soccer team.
- Taking every Friday afternoon off to go for a walk on the beach.
- Your health and wellbeing.
When you measure your life by these metrics, you start to see yourself as successful in ways that have nothing to do with the business's bottom line.
4. Talk to Yourself Like You'd Talk to a Mate:
If your best mate came to you and described the week you just had, what would you say to them? You wouldn't say, "You're right, you're a failure." You'd say, "Mate, are you kidding? You're doing a bloody brilliant job! Look at what you've handled. You're a legend for just showing up."
It’s time to start extending that same compassion and perspective to yourself. Self-compassion isn't about letting yourself off the hook; it's about giving yourself the encouragement you need to stay in the game.
The Only Portrait That Matters
Being a small business owner is one of the most challenging and rewarding journeys a person can take. It will ask everything of you. But do not let it take your ability to see yourself clearly.
Your true value is not measured by your to-do list or your profit margin. It's measured in the lives you impact—your team, your customers, your family. They are the artists painting your true portrait. It is a portrait of courage, of contribution, of leadership, and of love.
Put down your own harsh paintbrush. Step back, and have the courage to look at the masterpiece they are creating. It’s you. And it’s time you saw it too.